6 Simple Ways To Build Empathy With Your Customers
“They just don't get it! Our proposed solution will solve all their current problems and transform them to…” — said anyone after pitching a solution.
Later followed by— Why did they call us if they not want to change?… They are living in a bubble!… They are too invested in their current ways of working… They have already made up their mind!!…
Sound familiar? If you are in sales, this happens daily — I know I go through it everyday.
But why? Are we really better than them? Are they just thick? Do they really not get it? Some of the forgiving among us may ask a little kindly, “Did we not convey our message properly?”
Unfortunately, this way of thinking is based on the classic cognitive bias — Naive Cynicism. The notion that our views are objectives, while theirs are biased. Our view is logically precise while their attitude is irrational. Our solution is clear as day, they just don’t get it.
As we progress along the sales cycle, this bias complicates matters further. It becomes personal and emotional for both parties, leading to each conversation becoming more and more confrontational. In a B2B context, when such conflicts start to arise, the result is more checks and balances to ensure the emotional side is nullified by ‘pure’ objective analysis (the dreaded RFP!!). More analysis means more issues are created, more stakeholders get involved, more check-gates get erected and decisions are deliberated more. All slowing down the sales cycle. It now truly becomes Us vs. Them.
One way to reduce this us vs. them conflict is by trying to be in your customer’s shoes more often and with purpose — with empathy. Building empathy with your customers can help create a conversation that frames each interaction with a deep understanding of the customer’s position, constraints and challenges in moving forward. Most customers are rational, logical and want to move forward (they are humans after all!). They just see things differently and have different priorities than you as a seller do.
I know it is hard to do this along with the 100s of other things you have to do to progress the opportunity forward, but it is effort worth spent. It will appear slow at first, but it helps as you get into the thick of the solutioning discussions.
After having spent close to a decade in solution selling, here are some of my tested propositions of building empathy,
- Your solution is a risk… accept it!
If you buy a new car, it is adding new risk to your life. It may have a bigger monthly payment (higher opex), higher initial deposit (impacts cash flow), if you bought an SUV after owning a tiny coupe you will worry about parallel parking (higher ops complexity) — all holds true for an organisation as well.
So accept it! Your solution is a risk to your buyer — personally, financially, operationally. Any change in their status quo is a risk, even if the solution is better than status quo in all aspects. Keep that in mind in all conversations with your customer. You will find that your tone, words you use in your sentences, attitude that you imagine of the customer when reading their emails all become less confrontational; you will find it strangely liberating and find yourself at ease in conversations with them.
Most solutions are sold as a rosy end-state with a happy path of getting there. They are anything but happy during the transition. This BCG article shows why transformational success hovers around 30%. With that low a success rate, you can understand the reluctance in changing status quo.
While we tend to focus on the operational benefits of the solution in steady state, most of the complexity occurs during transition to this state. The people in charge of the transition are the hardest hit when your solution is being rolled out. Most department leaders (CXO-1) will mutter how implausible a solution implementation is, how disconnected from reality it is, etc.
“These Big 4 consultants don’t have to deal with the mess they suggest. I do!” — Group CIO at large engineering company
So keep calm and solution on!
Do this next time: Understand what are the stresses and pressures that individual stakeholders go thru. Build a day-in-the-life-of view of key stakeholders who have to deal with the transition of the solution you are proposing. Transition pain tends to have a higher organisation memory imprint than the happy end-state. So, build this perspective early in the cycle.
2. Be honest about what they get and not get from you
A lot technology product/services companies sell horizontal expertise; a broad set of capabilities that can be applied to a lot of use-cases in various industries (for example, a CRM that is common across Healthcare, Banking, Telcos). With such a broad base, it is common practice to apply the capabilities to use-cases even when you don’t have any prior experience in them. This is how the company grows; it is natural and common.
However, it is best to be upfront about which of the capabilities you expect your buyer to procure/consume as part of the specific deal. Please don't say, “We can do anything you want!” Sometimes the client assumes (and everyone fears correcting them) about what is being provided versus what the client has to procure additionally from you or create that expertise on their own. This gap is where the happy path to candy land goes wrong.
“Tell me what I have to do to make this a success beyond just signing your contract?” — an annoyed CIO of a large energy company
Do this next time: Make it clear what is the scope of the work you will deliver and what you think would be required additionally by the buyer to make the programme a success. Your product or service is a just a means to success for your buyer. Have a view point and tell them about it. Have a clear list of assumptions and a detailed RACI matrix created for the programme you are proposing.
3. You are not the centre of their universe
When we sell to a company, it is common to think that our buyers also live and breath our product/service like we do. We assume buyers to remember our previous meeting, we see client’s business centered around our product or service. This is rarely the case.
Your buyer is probably talking to many, many providers and vendors in a week. With such a high volume of information flow, buyer tend to remember only the last few days conversation (or eventful ones). Additionally, your product/service capabilities maybe just one of the many balls the buyer is juggling. Your timelines are not your buyer’s, your priorities are not theirs and your product/service is not their only focus. So be patient and be prepared to repeat!
Try this next time: Recap the outcome of the last meeting, highlight open items and actions, set clear objective for this meeting. Structure information so that it is easy to digest. In a large organisation, the left hand rarely knows what the right hand is doing. Offer to connect the two, act as a conduit to forge internal connections — this delivers value and they start to trust you more.
Simple things such as if the buyer missed out discussing an action item from your last meeting, bring it up and provide an update — even if you don’t have an update — this makes the customer feel you are listening and can be trusted to be honest.
4. Ask the difficult questions
Another cognitive bias quite common within the sales fraternity is Confirmation Bias — looking for views and information from others which confirm our set beliefs and opinions. This bias prevents us from asking difficult questions — questions that we don’t want the answers to, such as
- Has someone given you a better (faster, cheaper, better) alternative?
- What have you heard about us from others or our competitors?
- What is that you do not like in this?
- Did you feel we understood your position?
- What happens if this event does not occur?
- Have your objectives changed since we last spoke?
- What don’t you like in this solution?
- Are you serious about looking at our solution?
- Would this solution even work for you?
- etc.
The silent contrary opinions and views are the place from which ambiguity arises. These will show up in the deal later anyway. Eventually costing you the opportunity. So, get answers to these ‘difficult’ questions early and frequently. Getting answers to these questions helps you scale the subsequent discussions and provides context of the clients mindset.
Do this next time: As they say on the Discovery Channel; Question everything. Get comfortable with the uncomfortable questions; prepare them upfront in the sales cycle. Agree as a sales team that you will ask them in some way or form. In a B2B scenario, you are bound to find pieces of this opinions and views from various discussions; stitch them up to get the broader context.
5. Listen to specific emotive words in conversation
Anyone who has ever pitched knows silence is the worst reaction to get in response to a pitch. Assuming silence is not what you got, there are strong emotive words/phrases in conversation that you should track. Some I recollect are,
- “This is not how I….” (expressing a position)
- “It does not make sense to …” (expressing a contrary position)
- “We have other options we are looking at…” (competition)
- “Do you have X?” (definitely influenced by an analyst or competitors)
- “I own the decision completely…” (never happens in a B2B scenario)
As you can see, most of the phrases come from a standpoint of opinion or position already taken. While this does not spell doom for your opportunity, it does indicate that you will have to work hard to change mindsets. A lot of the times, the positions are influenced by past history or competition. Discover those and you will know the frame of reference that the buyer is sitting in.
Investigate this next time: Understand the position they are taking well — from all angles. Why was that opinion formed? Is it from the past? Look at their LinkedIn profile to understand where they come from. Check your current understanding of the landscape of vendors. Look for phrases that your competitors own and see if those provide a clue.
6. Build ground level understanding
This is by far my favourite way to build empathy! This involves getting deep into understanding the operational context of your client. What they do? How they do it? Who does what? Note down names, roles and their responsibilities — a solution detective!
This deep, almost ground level understanding will help you build the knowledge you need of the pains and pressures that people go through everyday. This insight will be what you use when building your solution. Works best on existing accounts given the level of access and information required.
Do this next time: Use the acronyms, phrases used during your investigation in your solution. Works well when the person presenting the solution is involved in the investigation. Also, understand and highlight the pulls and pushes from the external environment to your solution such as if this happens then this group or function will get effected. This what-if scenarios helps the buyer know that you have thoughts about them when proposing this solution.
Building empathy when building a solution, in my view, is best expressed by R.E.M in their song Everybody Hurts.
…Well, everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody cries
Everybody hurts, sometimes…
Know that everyone has a pain that stems from some place. Find that place and you can then understand their point of view. If we view them as just us in a different context, we will walk in their shoes and soon start talking like them. It is not hard, just a deliberate change in approach. And perhaps, you might even find a friend in your buyer. Everyone wins in the process!
Disclaimer: All views expressed here are my own and do not represent the opinions of any entity whatsoever with which I have been, am now or will be affiliated. Use at your own peril… :-)
